RESPONSIBILITY [Red Flag #9]

Ego vs. Boundaries in Co-Parenting

hoe_math breaks down how egoentrism ruins co-parenting. Too many people confuse what they personally want with what everyone *should* do, pushing their desires as must-haves. That’s not boundaries—it’s egocentric thinking. The difference? Healthy boundaries respect both sides and leave room for give-and-take. Ego says, “If I want it, you owe it.” Real co-parenting means seeing what’s fair for both, not just forcing your rules on someone else. Until you get that, you’re not building respect—you’re just demanding compliance.

0|24|Parenting|Co-Parenting Expectations|A scenario is described where a mother expects the father of one of her six children to take all her kids to the beach, not just his own, highlighting issues around responsibility and fairness in blended families.
26|125|Egoentrism|Definition of Egoentrism|The concept of egoentrism is explained as acting from lower levels of psychological development, often confusing personal wants with universal rules and misusing terms like "narcissist."
131|252|Responsibility|Responsibility and Fairness|The mother insists that the father should take all the children, not just his own, and frames her wants as obligations for others, demonstrating a lack of perspective-taking and fairness toward the father's position.
258|312|Narcissism|Recognizing Narcissism and Egoentrism|The speaker explains how to differentiate between actual narcissism and simple disagreement, emphasizing the importance of recognizing when someone is projecting their desires as universal truths.
316|384|Perspective|Levels of Perspective-Taking|The discussion shifts to the psychological levels of perspective-taking, illustrating how true empathy and fairness emerge only when individuals can acknowledge and respect others' wants and needs.

0.0 So, my six kids all have different dads. 2.0 Whoa, slow down. I'm trying to get a few minutes out of this video. You gotta save something for later. 8.0 Today, one of the dads came to pick up my son to take him to the beach. 14.0 He knocks on the door and says, “Hey, I’m picking up so-and-so to take him to the beach.” 18.0 I ask, “Are you taking the rest of his five siblings?” Because if you’re not, then he’s not going. 26.0 Today’s red flag is egocentrism, which means thinking or acting from the lower three psychological levels, especially if you can’t move beyond them. 38.0 A lot of people think they understand psychology, but they just repeat words they’ve heard online. 44.0 That’s why I’m trying to give you words to repeat that are harder to misuse. 51.0 The word “narcissist” gets misused and mispronounced a lot; it means egocentric. 65.0 People say “my ex was a narcissist” meaning he was selfish or controlling, but a narcissist would say the same about a more developed person. 81.0 Someone egocentric will call you egocentric if you don’t give them what they want. 86.0 This happened to me at 22: my girlfriend trampled my boundaries, I objected, and she called me controlling and abusive, but it was actually her. 103.0 This is a common relationship dynamic where someone at a higher level meets someone at a lower level and assumes they’re similar, but they’re not. 116.0 In reality, the lower-level person hasn’t even gotten through conformity yet, and I’ll show you how to tell the difference with levels. 127.0 Let’s get back to what this lady is saying. 131.0 The dad says, “The other kids are not my responsibility. I don’t need to take them anywhere.” 134.0 She replies, “If you want to take your child out for activities, you must include the rest of his siblings.” 141.0 She says it’s not fair to take one child to the beach and leave the others bored at home. 150.0 Let’s pause: She has six kids with six guys, and one comes to take care of his kid, but she says he must also take care of the other five. 164.0 That’s the first sign—there’s no societal rule that you must take care of all your baby mama’s kids, but she says he must. 180.0 That language shows she thinks she controls everyone and everything—control consciousness. 186.0 Control consciousness isn’t bad if it’s integrated with higher levels, but she can’t do that. 196.0 If she could, she’d be able to take another person’s perspective and think, “What would it be like if I had to care for five kids that aren’t mine?” 207.0 She can’t do this, so she confuses “I want” with “You must.” At this level, those are the same thing. 218.0 It’s like the meme “It’s cool for me to smoke in your house because it just is.” That’s her mindset. 225.0 She hasn’t grown to the level where she understands that what she wants isn’t what others want. 234.0 She doesn’t understand that the dad doesn’t want to spend his resources on other guys’ kids. 242.0 The dad says the other siblings aren’t his responsibility, and she says that’s not fair to the siblings. 250.0 She has zero recognition of what’s not fair to the dad. That’s the second sign. 258.0 She tells the dad, “If you don’t take all five siblings, your son won’t go.” So now the son is home, crying because he thinks his dad is the bad guy. 273.0 She says the siblings are home because the dad refused, not because of her. Then she says, “My son thinks his dad is the bad guy.” She could tell him the truth about what happened. 286.0 She insists, “One is not going to the beach while the others stay home. That is simply not right.” 291.0 “Simply not right” means “it just is.” It’s all of them or none of them. And in this case, it was none. 299.0 Now she’s stuck at home with six kids and frames this as a bad thing happening to her, not the dad. 309.0 That’s how you recognize actual narcissism or egocentrism: it’s not just disagreeing, it’s “what I want just is.” 320.0 If you get accused of being egocentric, say, “I see what you want. It’s this, this, and this, right?” If she says yes, say, “Well, I just don’t want the same thing.” If she insists her way is right “because it just is,” then you’re not the bad guy. 339.0 That’s second-person perspective. Level one is what I want. Level two is what I can get from you. Level three is what I can get from my network. Only at level four do you start thinking about what others want. 359.0 I’m working on level six myself, but I’ll explain that in a future video. 367.0 Don’t forget to check out my links—life guidance, digital charts, posters, my book, and Discord community. 384.0 I have a new book coming out soon. See you next time!

The translations and simplified transcript are based on translations of the original material, localized into multiple languages. Powered by PeakCreatorRoyalty.com under license with hoe_math.

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