hoe_math’s Attachment Style Journey [With Adam Lane Smith]

hoe_math with Adam Lane Smith

hoe_math was shocked when he moved from an Anxious attachment style to an Avoidant attachment style. Suddenly women were approaching him versus avoiding him, as the Anxious style personality exudes weakness to women. This was not what he expected, realizing he had been miseducated by popular society, women didn't want his emotions on his sleeve! Red-pill influencers often push men to the Avoidant style from the Anxious style for this very reason. This clip wraps up with what is hoe_math's relationship style journey to come? Does he see a Secure future? Adam points out that Secure is more than just the individual, it is a community of support, with friends and family often being more than 60% of new partner matches, which has now dropped to less than 15% in the 2020's.

0|27|Transition|From Anxious to Avoidant|The speaker describes his shift from an anxious to an avoidant attachment style, noting the unexpected increase in popularity and how anxious behaviors are often perceived as weakness, driving others away.  
27|59|Segregation|Attachment Styles Segregation|There's a strong divide between securely and insecurely attached people, with each signaling differently in social interactions, and red-pill influencers encourage avoidant styles over anxious ones.  
59|120|Security|The Pursuit of Secure Attachment|The ideal is to become securely attached, but society is trending toward insecurity, making it harder to find healthy relationships and communities.  
120|208|Community|Importance of Social Networks|Building secure attachment requires external support through family and friends, but such networks have drastically diminished, leaving many surrounded by insecurely attached individuals.  
208|338|Growth|Building Secure Relationships|The best method for fostering secure attachment is to develop growth-minded, self-aware friendships and act securely, which can eventually attract healthier romantic partners.

0.0 You're describing me really well here. That's how my early life started, and it played out in all my relationships for a long time until I started figuring things out. 12.0 Suddenly, I became very popular and thought, “Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. I thought the point was to get those reward mechanisms activated, but that actually brings you into a kind of weakness that women don’t like. That’s why they run away.” 27.0 There’s a hard divide between people with secure attachment and those with insecure attachment, like anxious or avoidant. They even signal differently to each other right from the first meeting—how they talk, what questions they ask or avoid. 46.0 Anxious people feel like their only options are to seek approval or to not care what anyone thinks. That’s the dichotomy. That’s why red pill dating gurus like Rolo Tomassi, Ryan Stone, and Anthony Johnson push men to move from anxious to avoidant attachment. 61.0 If the world were full of securely attached people, that would be the right answer. But the real goal is to be securely attached in a securely attached population, with healthy boundaries and fulfillment. 82.0 Right now, though, the world is moving away from secure attachment and toward more insecure attachment as society keeps breaking down. 91.0 So, let me ask you—since you’ve gone from anxious to avoidant, do you see yourself ever becoming secure? What would that look like? 100.0 Honestly, it feels a little late for me. I don’t know if I’ll have much more relationship experience from here. I’m tired, and I’m not sure what’s left for me except hopefully lasting a long time and making content. 123.0 If I stay popular, I’ll keep doing it. 134.0 (Ad) Want more math? Go to itishomemath.com and get the newsletter for insider updates, more videos, and other stuff. 136.0 Ideally, secure attachment is the goal. That’s how I imagine things working, and I know it’s possible. I just don’t know how to get there from my long history of insecurity. 158.0 I still feel a certain way at the start of a relationship, but I’ve learned how to control my neurotransmitters and hormones, and how to prevent oxytocin from messing me up. I made a video about that once, but people misunderstood it. 172.0 Now, I’ve figured out how to be in control of the relationship, so I’m the prize and the girl wants me. But even that’s unstable—I often end up moving on or putting people in the “sleeper zone,” telling myself I can’t do it right now. But I’m 40—when does “right now” become the right time? 194.0 I honestly don’t know where I’d find someone who could give me what I’d need for a secure relationship. Even after becoming famous and getting messages from women all over the world, I keep meeting unstable types, and I always have to work hard to manage things. 220.0 This is where men get trapped—they don’t know how to reach the next level, which is secure attachment. Secure attachment isn’t just something you decide to have; it’s formed and repaired externally, through community and connections. 239.0 The old answers are usually the best, even if we’re now conditioned to reject them. Throughout history, strong connections were built through family and friend networks. 257.0 Up until 1995, about 65% of relationships started through family or friends. Now it’s only about 12.5%, because most people don’t have those networks anymore, and they don’t know anyone secure—just more insecurely attached people. And those groups segregate hard. 284.0 What I’ve seen work for my clients—both men and women—is to build secure friendships first, with people who are growth-minded and self-aware (even though I hate that term). You have to shut off the self-serving tendencies and actually become more secure in your relationships. 304.0 Usually, people reach a point where they’re in enough pain that they decide to act differently, and they force themselves to behave in a secure way with friends. By doing that, they foster secure attachment, and those networks often end up introducing them to healthier, securely attached partners. That’s the only method that really works. 323.0 It’s kind of like manifestation, as the astrology girls say—when you start “vibrating” at a certain level, you attract what you want. Emotionally, it does work that way. 338.0 It takes time, though. You have to become the puzzle piece that matches your desired partner. If you keep being the wrong puzzle piece, all the wrong people will fit into your life. 346.0 (Ad) Want more math? Go to itishomemath.com and get the newsletter for insider updates, more videos, and other stuff.

The translations and simplified transcript are based on translations of the original material, localized into multiple languages. Powered by PeakCreatorRoyalty.com under license with hoe_math.

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