98% [Why is it hard?]

Why Dating Feels So Difficult

1. Misconceptions About What Matters Most think men struggle due to insane standards for looks. That’s not it. Most guys aren’t losing out because they want models—they’re running into a different wall.

2. Is Dating Less Rewarding? Dating used to feel exciting. Now, men and women both get let down more. Society keeps raising expectations and messing with the sense of value, making every swipe or chat feel like a gamble with little payoff.

3. Who Ends Up With Who? You’re not missing out because you’re average looking. Most people, in the end, pair up with others who match them in looks. First impressions matter, but they’re rarely the reason relationships fail.

4. It’s Not All About Looks Sure, everyone’s got baseline standards. But real connection? It comes from what’s under the surface—interests, mindset, and how available people actually are. The struggle is meeting women who are genuinely open to something real.

5. The App Trap Apps turn dating into a numbers game—and most men lose. For most dudes, it’s dead matches and empty inboxes. All that rejection stacks up, leaving guys feeling invisible and done with trying.

6. Broken Patterns Modern dating cycles are brutal. Instead of building trust, people bounce to the next option, “monkey branch” to new partners, and rarely get past the cycle of quick connections and repeat disappointments.

7. The Real Problem The truth? It isn’t about landing a ten. It’s the endless guessing over what the other person wants, who’s actually available, and whether anyone’s serious about building something that lasts.

0|30|Misconceptions|Misconceptions About Male Preferences|"The discussion opens by addressing the misconception that men struggle in dating mainly due to high standards for physical attractiveness, clarifying that this is not the core issue."
31|86|Expectations|Expectations and Value in Dating|"The conversation highlights how men and women have both positive and negative experiences with each other, and introduces the idea that dating feels less rewarding over time, referencing social perceptions and value charts."
87|148|Matching|Matching and Standards|"It’s explained that most people end up with partners similar to themselves in attractiveness, and that initial judgments based on looks are common but not the main barrier to relationships."
149|213|Priorities|Priorities Beyond Looks|"The importance of other qualities besides looks is discussed, noting that everyone has minimum requirements but deeper traits can change perceptions, with men often finding it hardest to meet women who are truly available."
214|307|Technology|Technology’s Impact on Dating|"Dating apps are shown to amplify rejection and emotional distress for men, as the majority receive very few matches or responses, leading to frustration and a sense of futility."
308|456|Patterns|Relationship Patterns and Cycles|"The narrative describes common cycles in modern relationships, such as brief connections, 'monkey branching,' and the difficulty of building trust due to shifting expectations and repeated letdowns."
457|480|Root_Cause|Root Cause of Dating Struggles|"The conclusion emphasizes that the real challenge in dating is not about finding attractive partners, but about uncertainty over intentions, availability, and the ability to form meaningful, lasting bonds."


order|x_px|y_px|Left_Right_Above_Below|text
1|228|163|B|Great woman, the guy gets attached
2|623|94|R|Woman feels comfortable and drop the truth, “I used to be a stripper,” or “I’ve slept with 400 people,” or “I had a threesome two days before I met you.”
3|649|368|R|The woman expects us to say, “It doesn’t matter, I love you now,” but it never works that way.


order|x_px|y_px|Left_Right_Above_Below|text
1|75|54|B|The guy offers stability and peace.
2|169|77|R|The woman "gets bored" and bails for someone new.
3|255|170|B|hoe_math had this happen early in his dating life. Then when he was much more attractive, girls started bailing on their boyfriends for him, then he realized, “Oh, that’s why they were leaving—they found something else.”
4|974|44|L|But then that guy puts her in a situationship because she was just a time-passer, and she tries to come back.
5|972|360|L|Then you get a cycle of women showing up asking, “What are we?” and you say, “Just friends,” and they leave. Then another shows up, same thing, and the first one comes back.

0.0 For those of you having a bad time dating, I get it. I’ve seen thousands of comments from men saying they just want to be understood, but you’re not really giving me much to go on. Still, there’s a lot to talk about here. 13.0 You should really get a copy of this chart I made. I’m genuinely trying to extend an olive branch and have an honest discussion. I feel 98% confident that, for most guys, the first thing you’re looking at is whether a girl is pretty. 23.0 So basically, she’s asking: “Are you failing because your standards for looks are too high?” And honestly, no, but let’s break it down. 31.0 I asked men, “Do you like women?” But hang on, that’s really two questions: Am I failing just because I can’t get a hot one? And do I even like women? The answers are no, and it’s complicated. Nothing in the universe is all good or all bad. There are things we like about women and things we don’t. Me and the guys have talked about this, and we tend to agree that, as time goes on, the juice just gets less worth the squeeze. 56.0 This is the standard “female delusion chart.” It kind of pokes fun at how women view men, themselves, and each other, but I also include men in it. On one end, you have anime fans who are just happy to talk to any girl, and on the other, the guy who calls every girl a “two” just to feel big. I think you might be falling into that trap. 83.0 There are two things to remember about the dating world right now. First, when people get together, they usually end up with someone on their level or pretty close. But people are getting together less and hooking up more, and that’s mostly happening through technology. It feels weird and disconnected. 104.0 I even drew a girl with hair like yours a year ago. So, it’s not as much about looks as you think. Men and women just really struggle to understand each other. I learned a lot about this by reading and taking notes, but my sponsor ShortForm actually takes notes for you—get the world’s best book summaries for 20% off with my link. 122.0 How much do looks really matter? I still feel 98% confident that the first thing you notice is whether she’s pretty. Chronologically, yes, most guys can take one glance and know if a girl is in or out of contention. But most people end up with someone close to them in looks, so you shouldn’t be so worried about that first part—it’s mostly for show. 149.0 Would you say you could completely disregard looks if everything else you wanted was fulfilled? Well, no. That’s not realistic. No one just says, “Let’s forget about that.” It’s more like there’s a minimum for each of these categories, and then other factors can move you up or down. I’ve even heard guys tell their girlfriends, “You’re great, but I don’t want my friends to see me with you until you lose weight and become more valuable.” 182.0 If you combine all the other categories, do they ever outweigh looks? That’s different for everyone. Some guys will put up with a lot for good looks, and some will give up looks for a good person. You never really know who feels what. That’s why I made the chart: you look at how they treat you and figure out why. The biggest reason I hear men giving for a low score is this section here—what I now call “purity” on Zones 3. It’s more inclusive. 219.0 Personally, I’ve never had a hard time finding women who look good enough, or who are fun to be around, or even both in one person. But I have always had a hard time finding women who weren’t otherwise occupied. That’s where my channel name comes from—when women are always so occupied, it’s hard to bond with them. That’s what makes dating hard. 246.0 Remember that drawing of the girl with your hairstyle? She’s sucking the life out of this guy through the phone. If you use dating apps, you probably get a lot of low-quality messages. For us, we get nothing—unless you’re in the top 10%, which I was for a while. But when I aged out and dropped down, I thought I was shadowbanned from Bumble. Here are the results for the average male dating app user: the average guy swipes right 52% of the time, gets a match only 2% of the time, and most matches don’t respond. Most responses don’t meet up, and most meetups don’t go anywhere. 304.0 Think about what that much rejection does to us. You can make fun of us, and a lot of people do, for saying a dating app hurt our feelings, but it’s just biology. Rejection causes a physical chemical process in the body, and it feels really bad. So, you’re on one end absorbing endless likes and feeling like a princess, and for us, it’s just, “Why did you match if you didn’t want to talk to me?” That doesn’t feel good. 334.0 And it’s not just apps. Liberation leads to a lot of confusion. Here’s a timeline: the “revealed past” conversation is when you let us get attached and then drop all your baggage—like, “I used to be a stripper,” “I’ve slept with 400 people,” “I had a threesome two days before I met you.” You expect us to say, “It doesn’t matter, I love you now,” but it never works that way. We always wish you’d told us that at the start, so we wouldn’t have gotten attached. 372.0 I’ve been told “I have a boyfriend” or “I have a husband” 18 times. Then there’s monkey-branching—when we offer stability, and you get bored after three months and bail for someone new. This happened to me a lot before I even realized what was happening. Then girls started bailing on their boyfriends for me, and I realized, “Oh, that’s why they were leaving—they found something else.” But then that guy puts her in a situationship because she was just a time-passer, and she tries to come back. 404.0 That becomes, “Hey, remember when we were dating? I tried a bunch of guys I liked better, but they were mean to me. Want to get married?” And, you know, no. That’s what leads to this situationship cycle. As a man, once you recognize these patterns, you just try not to get too attached to protect yourself. Then you get a cycle of women showing up asking, “What are we?” and you say, “Just friends,” and they leave. Then another shows up, same thing, and the first one comes back. 433.0 Now, I’m kind of famous, and a lot of women DM me saying they’d be the perfect wife and love me forever, but I don’t believe them anymore. I just don’t know what’s going to happen. We used to solve this problem by shaming people out of trying to turn a situationship into a real thing, because we knew what it did—couples stayed together. 457.0 I still feel 98% confident that the first thing you’re looking at is whether she’s pretty or hot to you. But no, it’s not about how hot the girls are, or about weighing personality versus looks. It’s that I need to be 98% sure you’re not married, not a stripper, not just passing time—and there’s no longer any way to know that.

The translations and simplified transcript are based on translations of the original material, localized into multiple languages. Powered by PeakCreatorRoyalty.com under license with hoe_math.

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