0.0 This is Self-Maximize, a mind map designed to help you self-reflect and self-improve, especially regarding your dating market value.
11.0 I’m qualified to talk about this because I once went from being a “four” to about an “eight” by losing 100 pounds, getting fit, learning how to dress, eliminating insecurities, working on social skills, and moving across the country to chase my dreams.
44.0 I started this social media channel, which now has millions of views and supports me after just seven months.
50.0 Achieving these things transformed me from a total loser into someone with great options.
56.0 Self-Maximize is partially based on integral theory, but I made my own version for easier understanding.
65.0 The sponsor, Shortform, helps you digest books and articles quickly, with summaries and exercises.
108.0 To self-maximize, pay attention to these seven things in your life.
111.0 If you know what you want and can change your mind and actions, your world will start giving you better results.
120.0 The map is a flowchart showing how desires become thoughts, then behaviors, which influence your environment and life.
195.0 Most people fail because they don’t reflect on feedback and change their actions, so this map encourages you to think about what you want and where to get it before acting.
215.0 Each section of the map contains questions and exercises to help you increase your consciousness.
225.0 Consciousness matters because a lot of people have a low-consciousness, egocentric mindset—like expecting others to like you for no reason or refusing to provide value.
260.0 Many people want things but never think about what the world wants from them or how they could provide it.
266.0 In summary, self-maximize means don’t just focus on your own needs—become what others are looking for, and look for people willing to be that for you.
286.0 You can’t make people like you; you just have to be what they like.
293.0 For example, I got in great shape but didn’t make much money until recently, so women would enter and leave my life—I had attractive traits but not reliable ones.
319.0 Another example: I had a Russian friend who wanted to lose his accent but didn’t follow feedback, so he never changed.
349.0 A fan came to me for advice on why people thought he was “fruy,” but he dismissed every suggestion and kept the problem.
379.0 I met a girl complaining about men on Tinder being too forward, but her profile was all bikini pics—she didn’t want to accept the feedback.
401.0 In all these cases, people wanted something but resisted changing their behavior, so they kept getting the same results.
420.0 The map and checklist are here to remind you not to do that—think about all seven sections every day, whether you’re getting what you want or not.
436.0 If you have a problem, figure out what about yourself needs to change.
444.0 When I create content, I think about what I want it to do and who I’m showing it to, then adjust based on feedback.
460.0 This self-design process applies to every part of life.
464.0 You can download the map for free or buy the packet; think of it as a mini personal coaching session.
474.0 Ask yourself: What am I doing that fills these boxes for the person I’m looking for?
480.0 Here’s my list of what average men and women need to improve; I might make videos for each area.
487.0 “Just be nice” and “just be yourself” are the worst advice for modern men—most need to start with body and masculinity.
501.0 The most important aspect of attraction is physical—focus on being in shape, dressing well, acting right, and taking care of yourself.
520.0 I don’t have before pictures, but getting fit moved me from one category of women to another.
533.0 Most men underestimate how much women like good bodies—it’s probably more than men do.
541.0 After changing my mind, diet, and exercise, my same behaviors got much better results with the same women.
557.0 This checklist is my notes on what you probably need to improve first.
564.0 Fitness is super important; if you’re ignoring it, stop.
575.0 Most men should be building muscle and losing fat—women love when you’re strong.
582.0 Next is fashion—if you dress poorly, think about how others feel about you.
590.0 Dress appropriately for what you’re doing; make sure your clothes fit and match.
621.0 Expressive means adding a touch of your own personality—find what works for you, but don’t sabotage yourself with “dork shirts” or “autism glasses.”
654.0 Consider what you’re showing people, how they react, and what you can change.
664.0 Mannerisms matter—stand up straight, talk like a man, and stop doing gross or annoying things.
676.0 I had a tall, smart client who was too excitable and talked too fast; girls don’t like that.
694.0 Another guy talked with an upward inflection; when he fixed it, things improved.
698.0 I used a camera to check my posture and fixed it.
705.0 Grooming needs its own video, but your haircut and facial hair should fit your face—ask women for feedback.
731.0 Hygiene is critical—leave nothing to chance, like women do.
761.0 Every time you go out, shower, comb your hair, brush your teeth, wear fresh clothes, use deodorant, and bring gum.
771.0 If you’re not doing that, you probably smell, and that’s why people might not like you.
779.0 If you get in shape, dress well, stand up straight, speak confidently, and stay fresh, you’ll solve a lot of problems.
793.0 Now, masculinity, competence, and confidence—once you look and smell good, you have to act like a man.
803.0 Power is an aphrodisiac—your ability to make things happen or stop things from happening.
818.0 Today, men can’t get power through money as easily, but money still matters.
837.0 Power is about making things go your way—read “48 Laws of Power” for more.
850.0 As I put these principles to work, people started giving me what I wanted.
857.0 Status, respect, importance, and dominance are all parts of hierarchy—women don’t want low-status men.
866.0 If you can’t get to the top of a group, find a group where you can.
873.0 Women say they want equality, but they still rank men.
880.0 With status, you’ll make weak people feel insecure and have powerful friends.
885.0 Being a lone wolf or just a nice guy won’t get you anywhere.
890.0 Skills—be good at something she values; women like this more than being good at video games.
902.0 Don’t count on niche skills to make you attractive—appeal to what most women want.
918.0 For confidence, have frame and presence; frame means deciding what’s going to happen and sticking to it, but also bringing her what she wants.
930.0 You can’t just boss her around—you have to make her life better without always asking.
941.0 Presence is how much you come through in interactions—bad presence is being self-conscious or off in your own world.
957.0 High-status men project confidence and make things happen, showing women that good things will happen if they’re around.
966.0 Masculinity is about creating what you want, preventing what you don’t, and showing you’re the “make things happen” guy.
974.0 That’s the “bad boy” axis: look good and make good things happen.
978.0 Once you’re popular, you have to treat women well to keep them—invest value, look good, make her look good, and tailor your life to her needs.
992.0 The “bonus galaxy” is all the little things you have or that happen to you, not necessarily who you are.
999.0 Investment is everything you give her—time, money, attention, energy.
1016.0 Attention is praise and appreciation—make her feel like a star.
1030.0 Money matters—the more you have, the more they stick around.
1040.0 Energy is how much you push the relationship forward; you can’t always be busy and expect it to work.
1052.0 Emotional closeness means sharing deeper things, not being weak or crying.
1070.0 Presentability is your reputation and how good you make her look—like the good guy version of status.
1081.0 Status is how much people need you for power; presentability is how likable you are—best to have both, but better to be feared than loved if you can’t be both.
1115.0 Loyalty is how much she believes you’re saving your investment for her—don’t hang on to old relationships.
1133.0 Focus on her in the present; she doesn’t want to see you investing in other girls.
1140.0 The bonus galaxy is about things you have access to—like where you live, which can matter a lot to women.
1159.0 Men can do a lot to self-maximize: look better, make things happen, and share your stuff.
1175.0 For women, self-maximizing is harder—most of the things men can do don’t give women points, which is why feminism doesn’t work the same way.
1204.0 For women, looks are the most important; your looks put a hard limit on which category men put you in.
1223.0 Men can make up for looks with effort; women usually can’t—it’s hard to move up, easy to move down.
1232.0 Every guy values things differently, but if a man thinks you’re a four, you’re never getting past that, no matter what you do.
1255.0 Women should start with men who like them, then weed out the ones they don’t like—instead of chasing men who will never put in effort.
1267.0 Chasing the wrong men keeps women stuck for years with no chance to leave that category.
1274.0 Modesty matters for women; fashion isn’t usually an issue unless you’re half-naked in public.
1282.0 Loyalty for men is about investment; for women, purity is about reserving your body for him.
1292.0 Your body is the most important part of attraction, but your personality is the most important part of forming a relationship.
1298.0 Being interesting means having more to offer than just looks or makeup—most women can’t get away with bringing nothing else.
1323.0 Women don’t necessarily need skills, but they should be able to talk about things men like.
1334.0 Being positive matters—a lot of modern women think it’s admirable to be difficult, but that’s self-sabotage.
1354.0 Most households are dual income now; grow up and deal with it.
1372.0 Supportiveness is essential—treating your man like he doesn’t deserve support is self-sabotage.
1393.0 Modern women think withholding support is strong, but it’s actually what men are looking for.
1402.0 Many women take out emotional damage from past relationships on new partners and refuse to take accountability.
1414.0 Don’t ignore these things—use the map to self-reflect.
1421.0 Purity is measured by how likely something like cheating will happen—wifey material isn’t about what you wear, and nobody wants his wife dressing provocatively.
1438.0 I’ve given you a map of what people are looking for, a map to your desires and decisions, and a structure for how to start changing them.
1446.0 I can’t wait to see my feedback.
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